The Review That Focused on My Personality, Not My Performance
Imagine this: you’ve been working hard all year—consistently meeting deadlines, tackling challenges, and delivering results that make a real impact. It’s finally time for your annual review, and you’re prepared to discuss your professional development goals, the strengths you bring to the workplace, and your plans to expand your workplace skills.
The conversation starts off well enough. Your manager highlights your contributions, acknowledges some wins, and praises your workplace experience. But then, the tone shifts. Suddenly, the feedback veers away from performance metrics and skills development. Instead, your “personality” becomes the focal point. “You’re doing great work, but sometimes you come off as too intense in meetings,” they say. Or maybe, “You could work on being more approachable—some team members feel intimidated.” You sit there, trying to process what’s happening. Instead of diving into your professional development plan, the conversation seems to center on how others feel about you, not the measurable outcomes you’ve delivered.
I took a deep breath and said, “I appreciate the feedback, do you have specific examples or instances that you can refer to? If there are not any examples that can help me understand the feedback I’d love to discuss how I can continue building on my strengths in the workplace and any specific opportunities that aren’t subjective. Are there specific skills or areas you’d like me to focus on improving to meet our team’s goals?” The shift in the conversation was immediate. My manager hesitated for a moment but then redirected their comments to actual workplace skills—problem-solving, project management, and cross-team collaboration. We ended up co-creating a professional development plan that aligned with my career aspirations and the team’s needs.
For many professionals—particularly Black women and other underrepresented groups—feedback like this can feel all too familiar. Personality critiques are often tied to unconscious biases rather than the actual workplace experience we bring to the table. When this happens, it’s important to gently steer the conversation back to what matters: your impact, your growth, and your professional development goals. Your review should be a space to highlight what you’ve accomplished and how you can continue to excel—not to manage perceptions rooted in stereotypes.
If you find yourself in a review that feels off-track, here’s how you can redirect:
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This resonates with me as I had a similar experience at the start of this year. Instead of being told I was intimidating, it was I need to speak up and be more “visible”; which is a challenge for me as an introvert
It’s so important that leaders are considerate of different communications styles especially if the impact is still the same, and the work is getting done. Do you feel like that’s holding you back? Or do you think the feedback is unwarranted?