When Strength Becomes a Burden
We’ve all heard it: “You’re so strong,” “You always bounce back,” “You can handle anything.” It’s meant as a compliment, but in practice? It becomes a reason to deny us support.
Managers assume we can take the heaviest workloads. Colleagues expect us to lead every crisis cleanup. HR overlooks our stress because they assume we’re “fine.” The result: resilience becomes a trap, not a resource.
How many times have you swallowed stress just to live up to someone else’s idea of your “strength”?
Why Resilience Gets Misread
The danger with the strong Black woman trope is that it’s both flattering and limiting. Yes, we are capable. Yes, we can lead. But when resilience is read as invincibility, we get stripped of humanity.
Here’s how it shows up:
Less grace. Mistakes others can make freely become “proof” we weren’t ready.
Less support. Instead of offers of help, we’re expected to “push through.”
More invisibility. Our needs vanish because people assume we don’t have any.
What starts as respect for our capability quickly morphs into neglect for our wellbeing.
Has your resilience ever been used as an excuse to ignore your actual needs?
Redefining Strength on Our Own Terms
The better version of this story isn’t rejecting strength, it’s redefining it. True strength isn’t about carrying everything alone; it’s about setting boundaries and demanding equity.
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Strength is delegation. Passing the baton isn’t weakness.
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Strength is vulnerability. Naming when you need help is power, not fragile.
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Strength is sustainability. Building a career that doesn’t break you is the true goal.
This reframe matters because it shifts strength from burden to benefit. You’re no longer the crisis manager of the office—you’re the leader of your own trajectory.
What would change if you saw asking for help as part of your strength, not the opposite of it?
Your Playbook: Claiming the Support You Deserve
Here’s how to break the resilience trap without apology:
Name your needs. Say directly: “I’ll need additional resources to deliver this project.”
Normalize boundaries. Decline extra work framed as “I know you can handle it.”
Document the gap. Track when you’re expected to carry more than your peers. Those receipts are leverage.
Ask for equity, not favors. Support isn’t charity it’s part of a fair workplace.
Redirect resilience. Channel your energy toward growth opportunities, not endless survival.
This isn’t weakness, it’s balance. And balance is the foundation of real success.
What’s one “strong” role you’ve been carrying at work that you can hand back starting this week?
Stop Applauding Our Resilience—Start Providing Support
The strong Black woman trope may sound flattering, but it’s costing us support, resources, and care. We don’t need to prove resilience—we need workplaces that stop applauding our ability to endure and start investing in our ability to thrive.
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