Earlier in my career I walked into a room full of senior executives and felt the energy shift before I even introduced myself. Conversations paused. Eyes lingered. I could almost hear a pin drop. My Blackness felt amplified in a way I did not create.
Nothing about my preparation had changed. My capability was the same as it had been the day before. But the room's reaction pressed something heavy against my presence. I carried that moment longer than necessary, not because I doubted myself, but because the atmosphere made me question a truth I already knew.
The Weight That Doesn't Belong to You
Experiences like that stay with you. They shape how you move through corporate spaces.
After a few of these moments, your awareness becomes quicker. You replay interactions without meaning to. You give extra context even when your point is clear. You refine and re-check work that is already strong—not because you doubt your skill, but because you know how easily your confidence can be misinterpreted.
The weight you're carrying doesn't belong to you. It belongs to rooms that were never designed with you in mind.
What is important to remember is that your ability has always been intact. The hesitation that surfaces in certain spaces is not a reflection of your worth. It is a reflection of the environment. Your confidence never disappeared. It simply needed room to breathe again.
How to Steady Yourself When the Room Feels Unsettling
Four grounding strategies to anchor you when spaces feel unpredictable.
- Identify the Source of the Feeling. Before you internalize a moment, pause and ask if the shift came from you or the environment. You deserve to know the difference.
- Ground Yourself in What You Have Already Done Well. Your wins, outcomes, and impact are real. Write them down. Revisit them. They anchor you when the room feels unpredictable.
- Keep Voices Nearby That Remind You of Who You Are. Have one or two people who speak to you with clarity and honesty. Their presence helps you return to yourself faster.
- Give Yourself Permission to Release Over-Checking. Excellence does not require exhaustion. One edit. One scan. Trust your ability.
Three Questions to Ask Before the Next Spiral
Question 1
Is this feeling about my work, or about how my work is being received?
If your deliverable is solid but the reaction feels off, the dissonance isn't about your capability. It's about the room's readiness to receive you.
Question 2
Would I hold someone else to this same standard of proof?
If you're the only person triple-checking work that's already excellent, you're responding to an unspoken expectation that doesn't exist for everyone else.
Question 3
What would change if I gave myself the benefit of the doubt—just once?
Practice trusting your first instinct. Submit the work. Speak up without the extra preamble. Notice what happens when you stop managing perception.
Daily Practices to Rebuild Your Confidence
Three consistent actions that reset your internal narrative.
Morning Grounding (5 Minutes)
Before checking email or Slack, write down one thing you're capable of today and one thing you did well yesterday. This resets your internal narrative before external voices enter.
Evidence File
Keep a running document of positive feedback, completed projects, and moments you advocated for yourself. Review it weekly. When doubt creeps in, you have receipts.
Weekly Check-In
Every Friday, ask yourself: Where did I over-function this week? Where did I take on weight that wasn't mine? What can I release next week?
Scripts for Setting Boundaries
Language to use when the room asks for more than it should.
"I appreciate the question. My recommendation is based on [data/experience/expertise]. I'm confident in this direction."
"I'm currently at capacity with [current priorities]. If this is urgent, we'll need to deprioritize [other task]. What works best for the team?"
"Thanks for building on what I suggested earlier. Let's explore that together."
Build Your Support System
Find Your Kitchen Cabinet (2-3 People). These aren't just friends—they're people who understand your work context and will give you honest feedback. One should be someone who's navigated similar challenges. One should be outside your immediate team. One should be someone you trust completely, even if they're not in corporate. Join communities where you don't have to explain yourself—whether it's The Corporate Clock Out, an ERG, or a professional organization for Black women.
Resources to Support Your Journey
When to Seek Professional Support
If the weight of proving yourself is affecting your sleep, your relationships, or your physical health, that's a sign to reach out. A therapist who specializes in workplace trauma or racial identity can help you process these experiences without pathologizing your response to a broken system.
Remember: seeking therapy isn't about fixing yourself. It's about having a dedicated space to untangle what's yours to carry and what isn't. Many companies offer EAP (Employee Assistance Programs) that provide free confidential counseling sessions.
Final Thoughts: You're Not Imagining It
The rooms that feel difficult weren't designed with you in mind. The standards that feel impossible to meet weren't written for someone who looks like you. None of this is in your head. What you're experiencing is real. Your response is logical. And your presence—exactly as you are—is more than enough.
Join The Conversation
Connect with other Black professional women navigating corporate spaces. Share your experiences, find support, and speak freely.
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