Picture this: It’s a regular Tuesday morning in the office. I’m making my way back to my desk after grabbing a much-needed cup of coffee when I feel it—fingers in my hair. Not a light brush, not an accidental graze—full-on hands in my curls.
I freeze.
The conversation around me continues, oblivious to the way my body tenses, the way my heart starts racing. My scalp tingles, not from the touch itself, but from the wave of emotions crashing over me.“Oh my gosh, it’s so soft! How do you get it like this?”
Those hands belong to my coworker.
She’s standing behind me, her hands still hovering as if waiting for a response, as if this interaction is completely normal. As if she just asked about the weather.
"I’d really prefer if people didn’t touch my hair without asking."
The Decision: Do I Let It Slide or Speak Up?
For a split second, I consider laughing it off. I consider letting it go. Because, truthfully, that’s what we’re often conditioned to do—shrug it off, smile politely, let discomfort simmer beneath the surface while maintaining our “professionalism. But then, something shifts for me.
This isn’t just about hair.
So I decide, in that moment, that I’m not going to let it slide. I turn around slowly, offering a polite but firm smile. “Actually, Sarah, I’d really prefer if people didn’t touch my hair without asking.” She blinks, her hand retracting like she’s just realized she touched a hot stove. “Oh! I didn’t mean anything by it—I was just curious.”I get that,” I say evenly. “But my hair is a part of me. Just like I wouldn’t randomly touch yours, I’d appreciate the same respect.”
A beat of silence. A nervous laugh. “Oh, of course! I didn’t even think about it like that. Sorry about that.” She walks away, and I sit down at my desk, exhaling. Because the truth is, we’re not the ones who need to adjust. The room does.
The Lesson: This Changed Everything
I used to think these moments were small, insignificant. That they weren’t worth making a fuss over. But the truth is, they are. Just like correcting someone when they mispronounce my name, advocating for my personal space is about demanding to be seen in my fullness. It’s about setting a boundary, not just for me but for every other Black professional who have felt like they had to silently endure these microaggressions.
Because here’s the thing—when we stay silent, it sends a message that these things don’t matter. That our discomfort is secondary to someone else’s curiosity. That we are here to be observed, discussed, and even touched as if we are artifacts, not professionals.
But when we speak up? When we reclaim our space, our names, our bodies? That sends an even more powerful message: We belong. We deserve respect. And we will demand it.
How to Handle if it Happens to You
If someone touches your hair at work, here are a few ways to respond, depending on your comfort level. Here are different ways to express your preference:
- Direct & Firm: “I’d prefer if people didn’t touch my hair without asking. Thanks for understanding.”
- Playful but Clear: “My hair is off-limits! I can’t just have anyone touching it.”
- Educational: “I know it might not seem like a big deal, but touching someone’s hair without permission can feel intrusive. I appreciate you asking first.”
No matter which approach you choose, the key is setting the boundary in a way that feels authentic to you.Because trust me—your space, your body, your being is not here for anyone’s unsolicited curiosity. And the more we make that clear, the more we shift the culture in the spaces we navigate.
Check out The Corporate Curly for tips on building confidence, achieving career goals, and thriving in your workplace experience.
